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How To Be A Cause and Not An Effect
Are you a
‘cause’ or an ‘effect’? The more control
over your life you have, the more empowered you are. The more
empowered you are, the happier and more fulfilled you will be.
Therefore, there’s a good reason for discovering how to
always operate as a person of “cause” and not one
of “effect”.
What I mean
by ‘cause’ is a person who realizes that they are
in charge of their lives. They take full responsibility for their
lives no matter if their results are good or bad. A person in
control of their lives has this reflected in their mindset, their
thinking and their language.
What I mean
by ‘effect’ is a person who claims to be a victim
and operates under the illusion of not being in control of their
lives. They set up others as the controllers in their lives and
give their personal power away unnecessarily.
One of the
greatest revelations I’ve had is that when my life wasn’t
working, I went in front of the bathroom mirror and said to myself,
“Gee, my life sucks right now. But you know what? I made
it suck. And because I made it suck, I can make it great again.”
By acknowledging that I was in complete control, even when I made
my life less than great, it gave me incredible perspective.
Look around
you. What’s working in your life? What’s not working
yet? Everything is a result of what we thought and did yesterday.
Tomorrow will be a result of our thoughts and actions today. What
specifically can you do right now to improve an area of your life
you’d like to? Write it down and then do it.
Here is a
specific example of language and how to detect whether you’re
acting as a ‘cause’ in your life or simply an ‘effect’.
How do you use cause and effect language? Listen carefully to
your language.
Example of
someone who is an effect:
“That
person makes me feel bad when they look at me like that.”
Yikes! The
person speaking the sentence has now painted themselves as a victim
by being at the mercy of whoever looks at them. They’ve
given up all their control of how to feel to the other person.
Now, with a simple look, the other ‘all powerful’
person can make the speaker feel rotten. That’s no good.
Here’s
how to rephrase that sentence for the person to acknowledge they
are in control:
“When
that person looks at me, I choose to feel bad inside.”
The speaker
now acknowledges that they are choosing to feel bad. And you know
what? When you can choose one way, it means you can choose another
way. I’m sure you can see where I’m going with this.
Next, the speaker can choose to feel good or at least neutral
after recognizing they have a choice. Who in their right mind
would decide to feel crummy if they knew they had a choice?
Here’s
are a few more ‘effect’ sentences for you to rephrase:
“Whenever
he comes home late, he makes me angry at him.”
“Whenever
she looks away during our conversation, she frustrates me.”
“When
my spouse goes out with their friends without telling me where
they’re going, he worries me.”
Ok, you’re
job is to rephrase these. If you are using these ‘effect’
phrases in your language, detect them and stop. Listen to others
as they speak. Their language gives them away whether they view
themselves as in control or as victims. Applying just this one
tip has the power to change your life.
Kent Sayre
is a worldwide persuasion expert and author of “The Ultimate
Persuasion Formula” available at: www.TheUltimatePersuasionFormula.com
Furthermore, he is the author of the bestselling book “Unstoppable
Confidence” endorsed by such celebrity authors as Brian
Tracy, Robert Allen, and Jim Rohn.
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