"Speed Grieving" And Bouncing Back From Personal Tragedy

 

Today, I’m going to reveal to you how you can bounce back from any major adversity in life.  Using this technique will let you get back on track and feel good sooner than you could ever imagine.

 

This article was inspired by my recent breakup with my long-term girlfriend of two plus years.  I used this technique to bounce back with lightning speed. 

 

You can “Speed Grieve” to recover from any of the following:

 

1. Death of loved one
2. Breakup of relationship
3. Financial disaster (bankruptcy, house foreclosure)
4. Loss of job
5. Loss of friendship

 

Plus anything else you can think of.  You can “Speed Grieve” to recover from almost anything that severely affects you.

 

When we suffer a setback in our lives, there are certain stages we go through in our adjustment to return back to our normal selves.

 

Here are the stages:

 

1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance

 

Denial is the stage where we can’t believe it’s really happening.  It doesn’t seem real, even when we pinch ourselves to make sure this isn’t just some bad dream.  

 

I remember feeling this as I hugged my girlfriend for the last time.  I was certain that I was going to marry her at the midpoint of our relationship.  And now, as I looked at her for the final time, it felt surreal.   I would not see her again.  It was over.  I wanted it not to be true.  But it was.  I was in the first step of adjustment – denial.

 

Anger is the next step in the adjustment process.  After the reality sinks in of the personal tragedy or loss, people have a tendency to get angry.  I know I did.  I was frustrated at my then-girlfriend, frustrated at myself, and frustrated in general.  I felt like I had wasted two years of my life with her all for it to come to a crashing halt.  Anger is natural at this stage of adjustment.

 

Bargaining is the next step in the process of adjustment and bouncing back from personal tragedy.  Bargaining is where you reason with yourself…pondering “What if?”  As I reflected upon my now defunct relationship with my ex-girlfriend, I played over and over again in my mind different things I wished I had done differently.  I contemplated, “What if I had only done this?  What if I had only done that?  What if I had only been more of this?  What if I had only been more of that?”  Although this “bargaining” process is normal, it’s truly fruitless thinking to be mired in regret.  Sure, I’ll take the lessons from the relationship although it’s not useful to be stuck in regret.

 

After bargaining is depression.  This is a time in the adjustment period characterized by extreme sadness and a hollow feeling of loss.  When I was at this stage, I must’ve cried myself a swimming pool full of tears.  This is a normal part of the grieving process.  It’s not so pleasant to experience.  ß understatement of the year.

 

The final stage is acceptance.  Acceptance is where you finally come to terms with what has happened.  You accept it and you move on.  This is where you complete the grieving process and fully adjust to the new situation.

 

Those are the five stages to grieving.  Now how can we bounce back from personal tragedy quickly and be stronger for it?

 

Here’s what I’ve found to work.  I figured that I needed to go through all the stages to fully recover but didn’t want to spend way too much time in doing it.  I wanted to bounce back and feel stronger as soon as I possibly could.  “Speed Grieving” was borne out of this idea. 

 

If you object to the idea of speeding up your natural grieving process, that’s fine.  You don’t have to.  I’m only offering it to you as an option.  If it works for you, use it.  If it doesn’t, don’t.

 

Here’s how to speed up the process of grieving to bounce back quickly from a personal tragedy:

 

1. Give yourself a time limit.  For me, I gave myself a solid week.  I said to myself, “I’m giving myself a solid week to feel totally sad. After that, I’m going to pick myself up and bounce back to normal.”  Then I went out and did it.  It was very intense but I went through each stage successively and at the end of the week, I had bounced back to normal.

 

2. Embrace the change.  For whoever says that the only thing guaranteed in life are “death and taxes” is really missing one thing.  Change.  The only thing constant in life is change.  So let’s embrace the change.  Here’s how I reason about change.  Watch out, I’m about to go a little metaphysical on you right now.  Change is part of the perfect unfolding order of the universe.  While we may not like or accept the change right now, it’s really better to embrace the change because it’s all part of life’s perfect plan for us to become who we were meant to be.  So figure out a way to use this experience to strengthen yourself and enrich yourself and the lives of others.  Ask yourself, “How can I use this to help others and to my own advantage?” 

 

As an aside, this is what I’m doing right now.  If I can help even just one person bounce back from a personal tragedy by sharing with them how I recovered from splitting with my girlfriend, then it will be even more worthwhile.

 

3. Celebrate the good things.  Look on the bright side.  Focus on the good things going on in your life.  Then celebrate those.  It reminds me of the phrase, “I was distraught that I didn’t have any shoes until I met someone who didn’t have any feet.”  Take stock of what good is going on in your life.  I know you can find plenty to be grateful for if you look.

 

4. Avoid the vacuum effect.  Here’s an example of the vacuum effect.  Now that I won’t be spending hours daily with my girlfriend, I have a lot more time on my hands.  I could easily spend this time moping around and feeling sorry for myself.  Is that going to happen?  Heck no!  Instead, I’ve increased the time I spent working (watch out for more hot products coming out soon), the time I spend exercising, and the time I spend with friends.  Fill the vacuum.  If you lose a job, maybe it’s high time to really get into that hobby you always wanted to when you’re not out job hunting.  It’s much better than sitting around, feeling sorry for yourself.

 

There you have it.  You can bounce back from personal tragedy quickly and be stronger than ever before.  It’s mostly a conscious decision to do it.  Go for it! 

 

You are unstoppable!

 

 

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